Marriage is a complex and dynamic relationship that requires continuous effort and dedication from both partners. You need love, trust and commitment to make it work.

Times aren’t always going to be cheery, and everyone’s goal is basically to have the good times outweigh the bad ones.

How is that achieved? Well, people have differing opinions on that.

Unfortunately, not all advice is good advice, and some can even be harmful to a marriage.

Fair warning: I’m a Christian, so the basis of my advice is biblical first. (Sorry, not sorry.) I don’t compromise on the biblical aspects. It’s those added “secrets” that people try to slide my way that I’ve learned to avoid.

After 10 years of marriage and counting, here are the common themes of unsolicited bad marriage advice I’ve received.

Do What Makes You Happy
What makes me happy is to run away to Bora Bora for a week when things are too overwhelming. I don’t think that would strengthen my marriage at all, though. Marriage isn’t for the selfish. You have to look out for the other person. Add kids to that equation, and that’s a wrap. HA!

Marriage is a continual act of service. You can’t pour from an empty vessel, though. Self-care is still important. (Those spa days might just get a little less frequent when life gets crazy.)

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” – Philippians 2:3-4

To Keep a Man, You Have to…
This phrase just makes me roll my eyes. I’m not going to name any names, but I think we all know some people in real life (and celebrities) who catered to their spouse in various ways and still got cheated on or divorced.

To keep a man, the man has to want to be kept. Cheating is a choice, and he chose to cheat. Yes, there may be times that someone’s actions, or inactions, made it easier for that man to make that choice, but the fact still remains. If he wants to go, he’ll go.

The Man/Woman Has to (Insert Chore)
I would classify my marriage as being pretty traditional. That’s a whole conversation for another day because when a working mom says that, they get shunned by the housewives. Either way, my husband and I know our roles.

However, our roles play to our strengths. I can cook and clean better, and he can pick up heavy stuff better. LOL! But when there’s a need for him to chip in with the dishes or laundry, he does it. When I see the trash about to tip over, and he’s nowhere in sight, I do it (or smash the trash down and wait for him to take it later). Teamwork makes the dream work!

Never Go to Bed Angry
Hope! You said that you’re biblical. The Bible said don’t let the sun go down on your anger.
Yes, meaning that you shouldn’t let the anger fester, which can grow into sin. It’s not a race against the clock to find a quick resolve with your spouse.

Theologians agree that the Philippians verse that is often quoted is a paraphrase of Psalm 4:4, which states in the New Living Translation:

“Don’t sin by letting anger control you. Think about it overnight and remain silent.”

So, don’t let anger make you do something stupid. Breathe. Think about it. And if you need to chill out and give it until the next morning to discuss, do that.

Weekly Date Nights are a Must
I used to babysit, and that’s something one of the mothers would tell me every time I came over to watch her kids. She said date nights are a must, and they found that it makes their marriage so much better. Come to find out (from the husband), the wife suffered from depression. They had to go out to help her relax and get out of her “funk” at times.

Weekly date nights are cool. They certainly aren’t a must. For our schedule, we can’t do that. However, we find times throughout the day to check in, reconnect and have real communication.

There is no one-size-fits-all solution to marriage, and it’s important to recognize that every couple’s situation is unique. While seeking advice can be helpful, you have to be discerning about the advice you receive and remember that not all advice is good advice.

I’ve found that a successful marriage requires open communication, respect for each other’s needs and the ability to work together as a team to navigate through life’s challenges—using the Bible as your guide.

In this week’s video, my husband Brandon is chiming in on the worst marriage advice he’s received from the male perspective. See you soon!