Men are treated differently than women. That’s not breaking news. You see that every day.

Heck, I even experienced the love people have for single dads as opposed to single moms. For this blog post, I’ll keep the focus on sexism pertaining to work.

In the workplace, you see sexism in areas like pay discrepancies and how women in leadership positions are treated.

When a man is stern, he’s called a powerful force.

“No, I don’t think he’s a jerk. No shame in knowing what you want!”

A stern female boss is called all the names.

“That *****! She must be lonely and miserable. I bet she wasn’t held enough as a child.”

But why?

I’m not even going down the trail of how that image of being “aggressive” triples if you’re a woman of color. I’ll save that for this week’s video.

For now, I’ll just reminisce on the three different times it became clear to me that working moms deal with double standards.

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Maternity Leave

I don’t know exactly what people think about childbirth, but it’s not pretty. Not counting actual labor and delivery, you are left bleeding, sore and swollen. (I told you it wasn’t pretty. )

While you’re healing from that trauma, you have to care for a tiny, needy human. Ain’t motherhood grand? 

So imagine my surprise when I came back to work from having my first son to hear, “I wish I could get off for three months! Glad you’re back and well rested.”

Glad I’m what?

Who’s rested? Do you know that babies do not know—nor do they care—about what time it is?

When you get back to work, you likely slept for minimal hours while trying to prepare daycare food for the baby who hasn’t really left your side since birth.

But yes, I’m well-rested and fully here. I just needed a three-month vacay to gather myself.

Working Late

And as if the mommy guilt isn’t already real enough, having to do work after hours will give you another punch in the gut.

When I’m at the office late or attending an after-hours event, I can usually guarantee that someone will say, “Don’t stay too late! Your boys are at home missing you.”

Do you tell Frank that too? Because Frank looks for ways to work late so he can be away from his family.

Nope. You want to remind the mother that her place is at home with her children.

I get that the comments I receive are not coming from a malicious place. However, that just highlights how society is programmed to thinking about working moms. 🧠

Is she working? Those poor kids.

Not at work? She’s become such a slacker since having kids.

You can’t win. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Taking Off

God forbid you need a day to breathe. And away from the kids? Heavens, no!

On the rare occasion that I take a day to myself, the focus goes right back to motherhood. 🤱🏾

“Are you going somewhere with the kids?” No? Who’s watching the kids? DO YOU LOVE YOUR KIDS?”

There are those who do not care for their kids. There are others who care deeply for their kids and need a breather in order to continue being the best version of themselves.

There is a difference.

Also, remember Frank? No one is asking if he’s taking a break with his kids. People are more likely to give him a fist bump for finding time to get away. 👊🏾

You know… from his horribly stressed out life of being a working dad.

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This isn’t a post to bash fathers. Working dads are great. They are also the norm.

Because women entered the workforce later, there’s always a stigma to shake off.

Be mindful of that.

Have you ever experienced a double standard for being a working mom or dad? Share them with me! I’ll be discussing that and more in this week’s video.