One topic that keeps making its round back into the forefront of conversation, especially pertaining to Black women, is the idea of pursuing the “MRS” degree in college.

The term “MRS” degree traditionally refers to the idea that some women attend college primarily to find a spouse, often with the expectation of marrying shortly after graduation.

According to BlackDemographics.com, African Americans are the least married of any major racial/ethnic group in America. However, Black women are reported to be the most educated population group.

Because of the data, people have made the conclusion that Black women chase careers and the fun life, only to look up in their mid-30s and 40s realizing that they’ll end up alone and childless. After all, their counterparts are going to college with the mindset of getting a “ring in spring” and settling down by the time they’re out of their 20s.

Honestly, I’m tired of this debate. And I actually talked about this very topic with a licensed therapist. (Watch the video here.)

All in all, we have to realize that marriage is not life’s goal. Seek God’s purpose for your life. That’s the only way you’ll find fulfillment.

So, if you’re thinking a spouse will make you happy… or money… or a title, you’re wrong. And all of those paths will lead to you realizing you did life wrong.

“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” – Matthew 6:33

I got married in my mid-20s, but I didn’t go to college with the purpose of finding a husband. I was trying to get my good ol’ bachelor’s degree and dip. LOL! I just so happened to meet my husband and started dating him at the time.

Since I wanted marriage in my future, I didn’t shut him down thinking I was “too young” or that I had to “try out my options.” My mindset was that if he was Christian, treated me well, and was going to enhance (not hinder) my life goals, great!

However, if he wasn’t going to be an asset, I wasn’t going to be on the path to marriage just to “check the box” and get the African aunties off my neck. Their opinions don’t matter because I’m the one who has to live with the decision and subsequent marriage–not them.

Likewise, I’m also not going to know my goal is marriage and blow off all possibilities because I’m trying to get to a certain level of title or salary first. Doing that will have me reaching the mountain top alone and stressed.

So, what to do? Well first, figure out what you want in life. What are your goals? Know them and work to achieve them.

Specifically for marriage, start by asking yourself: Do I want to get married? If yes, do I want children? (We’re not talking about purposely having children without marriage because that’s out of God’s natural order of things, so that’s out of my realm.)

Once you know that, you can better know how to move forward. Are you strictly focusing on career and travel? Cool. Are you wanting to be married with kids? Examine yourself to make sure you’re wifey and mother material because that’s not for the selfish at heart.

Don’t rush, but also know that as women, time isn’t biologically on your side. Thirty-five still seems young and vibrant, but that’s also the age most doctors start labeling you as having a geriatric pregnancy with more risks of complications.

I know. It’s a lot to think about and weigh. And honestly, it can all seem so unfair at times. That’s why I honestly don’t know how people who don’t believe in God can live life without Him. Rely solely on my own understanding? Impossicant.

All in all, it’s about going for your goals without letting the pressures of society make you rush into a bad decision.

The debate over pursuing the “MRS” degree in college is ultimately about personal choice and empowerment. African American women have the capacity to define their own paths, whether they prioritize education, relationships or both.

Let’s continue to support one another in pursuing our unique dreams and aspirations, whatever they may be.