Happy Black History Month, everybody! ✊🏾

I hope you all are doing your due diligence to add your African-American factoids in conversations at home, school and the workplace.

In honor of Black History Month, I’ll be speaking about a topic many of you said you wanted more of—black love. 🖤

Okay, so this week’s topic isn’t specifically about love amongst African-Americans. This topic can apply to all ethnicities. However, there are some cultural nuances that could affect how you answer the question.

The idea actually came to mind because I read about a few recent celebrity couples who have had a “conscious uncoupling” due to things that I feel could have been sorted out on day one.

I like to call them relationship non-negotiables or deal-breakers.

These are the issues that absolutely need to be agreed upon before entering a relationship. If you don’t discuss it, you’ll either:

• Stay in a relationship with constant fighting in which one partner has to acquiesce their wants (hello, resentment) or
• Break up years after the fact and waste precious time

People hate to think that time can be wasted because there’s a lesson to learn in every phase of life. My philosophy is that you don’t need to personally experience those lessons to learn it. Learn from the mistakes of others as well. Ammarite?

So here are my top three absolute deal-breakers in a relationship. 

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Religion 

Sure, I’ve seen relationships in which the couple has different religions, but that comes with some challenges.

Whose religion will trump the other? What are you teaching the kids? What holidays are you celebrating and how?

Faith is very important to me, so I can’t imagine someone not practicing the same thing in my house. One partner would definitely have to practice their religion a little more loosely to make things work, and that couldn’t be me.

Children

The desire (or lack thereof) for kids is a huge non-negotiable. 👶🏾

RARELY is there an instance in which a person who is completely for or against kids persuaded to go to the other side.

What usually happens is that a person is left living in denial claiming that the other person will come around.

And the partner never does. 

Kids are a major commitment. Either you’re on or you’re out. Get someone who’s on your side of the issue to save the heartache years down the line.

Purpose / Vision

My future husband didn’t have money. He sometimes even asked me to take him places because his car got towed… never to be seen again. (Do you hear “No Scrubs” playing? No? Just me? )

But you know what I saw? Not potential. Everyone has that.

I saw drive. He was driven to reach his educational and career goals. He was focused and saw the end in mind.

That carries over to so many areas in life.

Imagine being with someone who’s just…there. They just let life float them around to whatever new situation may arise.

You think that’s going to motivate you to do better in your life? Not at all. That’s a breeding ground for contentment. 🙅🏾‍♀️

No thanks!

I need someone who can make me better and push me to greatness. 

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There is so much more to be said for each of these topics, but have to leave something for this week’s podcast. What are your non-negotiables? I’ll include your responses in the video as well. TTFN!