You know how you think you’re making a connection with someone in a conversation and then it comes to a screeching halt?

“Oh my gosh… life with kids is something else.”

“I know, right? There’s no time to do anything anymore.”

“Yeah… and time even talking with my husband is few and far between.”

“Same here. All kids. All the time.”

“It’s so much. And don’t even get me started on date night.”

“I’m sorry. What’s a date night?”

“Haha! Right? We haven’t had a date night in like… three weeks! Crazy, right? We usually try to go out with just the two of us at least once every two weeks.”

“Wow. Umm… Wow. So… Okay. Hold on. What?”

Totally killed my vibe. You have a date night twice a month? In what world can that happen? If we had that much time to the two of us, my husband might get sick of spending time with me. He probably wouldn’t, but I don’t even have the luxury of finding that out.

I’m not making this a competition of who has it worse at all. I’m happy for any couple that can go out as often as possible. Let’s not act like a twice-a-month date night isn’t a splurge, though.

I, well, we take full responsibility for not doing more traditional “couple stuff.” We have to sacrifice date nights because our circumstances won’t allow us to do it more often.

More QT with the QTs

First of all, since we both work full time, we try to be as hands-on as possible with our kids after hours. Family time is important, and we squeeze out as much time for that as we can. (How else are we supposed to reverse the brainwashing that may happen throughout the day? Just kidding… kinda. )

After school means homework, dancing to random tunes, television, devotionals and anything else we can squeeze in before bedtime. During the weekend, this crew of five is hitting the town doing activities and errands. It’s not always fun, but we’re together.

And… Who are You?

Secondly, our trust level isn’t very high when it comes to people other than family watching our children. I used to work in news, so I ingested way too many stories about people—strangers, friends and relatives—who tried to harm children. Of course you can’t be with your children 24/7, but I sure won’t be letting a random babysitter into my home to make themselves too comfortable. 🙅🏾‍♀️

I blame the “Law and Order” television series for my angst. Because of an episode I saw, I literally hit a man at the grocery store because I thought he was about to grab my then newborn.

He was trying to reach over to grab a jar of sauce. When I turned my head back toward him, I interpreted that to be a maneuver to grab the car seat in my cart that contained my baby. The way a rammed that cart over his foot and into his side…LOL! I apologized, but there was no recovering from that. He thought I was crazy, which may not have been such a bad thing if he’s plucking off babies. 👶🏾

Over the River and Through the Woods

Thirdly, the trusted few who watch my kids are not in close proximity. My sister is the closest at about 30 minutes away, but she’s young, single and carefree. She shouldn’t have to care for kids that she never asked for. She graciously offers periodically, and my kids love her, but that’s not her responsibility.

The go-to choice for us is my parents. You would think grandchildren are a form of currency because the more they have, the happier they are. My parents love to watch my sons, but there’s a catch—they live a whopping 50 minutes away. That right there shaves off about three hours of any time my husband and I would spend together.

Any other family member lives more than 50 minutes away, which is just too far to travel for a couple of hours as we try to rush back in time to put the boys to bed.

Them Then Us

Lastly, and this may be very unpopular among married couples, but during these first years of our kids’ lives, we decided to put our all into them. Our marriage is good. We’re not going anywhere, and we’ve been best friends forever; so we want to make sure our children are given a strong foundation as well.

Don’t be mistaken. I’m not saying that I don’t ever see or spend time with my husband. We try to chill together every night when the kids are asleep and we have an hour or two to unwind. However, we’re not hitting the town to relive our glory days anytime soon.

We usually end up talking until one of us dozes off and then call it a night. LOL! Welcome to parenthood, folks.

This obviously isn’t everyone’s tale. I know plenty of people who have nearby relatives or caretakers who take their children frequently and overnight. That’s just not my reality. 🤷🏾‍♀️

‘Tis all good, though. We signed up for this. Did we know how much time having kids would take? Not really, but apparently it wasn’t that detrimental because we decided to have two more. So is life…

Guess who might be joining me in this week’s podcast? My husband Brandon! We’ll dive more into this date night topic, talk about love languages and discuss other things we’re probably not doing right. HAHA! See ya then!