This past weekend, we flew to Missouri for my brother’s wedding. I was excited for the trip, but there was one thing that kept me nervous.

Other than the fact that I had no clue what to wear, I also had no idea how my 11-month-old son would act on the flight. No one wants to be those parents. You know, the ones who have a screaming baby disrupting the peace. 

And like the prepared parent I am, I totally didn’t check with our airlines to see which baby things are approved. Did I mention that I hardly fly anywhere?

Next Stop: Missouri

Off to the airport!

Our flight to get to Missouri was extra early. We left the house around 3 a.m. to catch it. 

I was looking extra comfortable with my sweats and a t-shirt. And I kept my headscarf on because I was too lazy to expose my hair to the elements that early in the morning. *Shrug*

Jayden slept all the way to the airport. And although he was popping his head up and around to watch everyone in the airport, he went back in his car seat on the plane and fell asleep.

But let me tell you how ridiculous TSA is…

Really, TSA? REALLY?!

First of all, I have no problem with people making sure a plane is safe, but I’m going to need those agents to respond to questions and keep me in the loop when they ask me to do something. 

Case and point:

There were two agents near two different metal detectors. Some random female agent standing next to me told me to walk through.

“Through which one?” I asked.

*Crickets*

“Wow. Okay… well, I’ll just walk through this one.”

As I walked to the metal detector nearest me, one of the agents said, “Ma’am. Go through the next one, please.”

“You guys sure weren’t talking when I asked which one, so I’ll just stay at this one. Thanks.” (I’m sure my response triggered nothing but holiday cheer inside of them.  )

On the other end of the metal detector, I saw another female TSA agent that looked like she was allergic to smiling.

“Spread your legs… now your arms. Ma’am, I’m going to have to search your hair.”

“What? My hair?”

“Yes, I have to make sure you don’t have anything in your hair.”

“Great… but I’m not taking this scarf off.”

She gave me a crazy look as if to say, “Oh, yes you are, honey.” Instead, she showed a little attitude and barked, “Why?”

I gave her a good ol’ smirk, put my hands in my pocket, and answered, “Religious reasons,” accompanied with a wink.

If she wasn’t mad before then, she sure was after I gave that answer. I mean… who can refute religious reasons? LOL. But she proceeded to try and feel through the scarf with her hands.

My hair was wrapped up with two different scarves. Underneath were two Pocahontas-style braids that were pinned up by a bobby pin.

As hard as she tried, there was no differentiating what in the world she was touching, so she let me through. Nice try.

Welcome to the Show-Me State

The flight was pretty easy. It was only an hour and a half, and Jayden slept the whole way there.

Our stay in Missouri was very pleasant. Very scenic and serene. And we went to the best movie theater that I’ve ever seen to date. (Shout out to Cinetopia! LED errrrthang!  )

And speaking of movies, The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part One was great! But, who in their right mind would pick Peeta over Gale? Maybe Katniss is the one who’s been brainwashed by the Capital this whole time.

Anywho, my brother’s wedding was great. The bride was beautiful, and my brother definitely put his mark on the ceremony with an impromptu vow rap. 

We left the next day.

Back to Texas We Go

Our flight was in the evening, so I knew we wouldn’t have the ease of Jayden sleeping through the whole flight.

Right before we boarded the plane, he decided to turn into Mr. Grumpy Pants.  (Turns out he just wanted some apple juice, and boy did he drink a lot of it!)

When we were in our seats, I knew that I was on the clock. Give me my Bojangles hat and cane, boys! I have a baby to entertain! 

I sang, rapped, played peek-a-boo, made funny faces…. anything to keep Jayden from having a meltdown on the plane. It was tiring, but we landed without a hitch!

What was my husband doing the whole time, you ask? Watching a movie on his phone. (Lucky him…)

He was barely even tuned into what we were doing. In fact, I later found out that he wasn’t even listening to me anyways.

He took one of his earbuds out to ask, “Are we landing now?”

I said, “No… the plane is crashing. No survivors expected.”

He said, “Cool.” And put his earbud right back in his ear.

I stared at him, and he responded, “What?”

“Did you even hear me” I asked.

“Umm… you said we’re landing, right?”

“Sure. Just listen to your music, crazy.”

And he wonders why I tell everyone that I have two kids. LOL.