The Remote Bandit

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My own son stole from me! My own son… in my own home.

You can’t believe it either, huh? Well, I’m still trying to process everything that happened. So, let me recall everything for you (because I’ll have to say it for the pending police report anyways..)

Date: December 29, 2014

Time: 2:37 p.m.

Suspect: Jayden, now coined as The Remote Bandit; also known to his posse as El Remoto Bandero.

Details: Jayden has always loved electronics. He’ll ditch a toddler toy for a cell phone any day. One skill he learned early was using remotes. He’d press all the buttons as they light up waiting for the “tick” sound that lets him know that he has successfully turned on the television.

But it’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt. And I, my friends, got hurt.

On the date in question, Jayden played with the bedroom remote and we haven’t seen it since. (The agony…)

We have no clue where it is. We looked everywhere, but our search was fruitless. So, the only conclusion is that… *gulp* he threw it away in the trash, and we took the trash out not knowing the remote was inside of it.

As I told my Instagram and Twitter peeps, when asked where the stolen item was, Bandero responded with, “Abudaaah!” which have authorities suspecting the remote was taken to Abu Dhabi.

Yup… it’s an international search now. ✈

I have no choice but to press charges on my son. Tough love is the only way.

At the moment, the suspect is free on bond pending trial. And I pray the judge throws the book at him.

In the meantime, my husband and I will have to *shudder* use a generic universal remote to fill our television desires. It’s better than nothing, but we can’t access the TV’s special features (show info, TV guide, etc.)

I know what you’re thinking. #FirstWorldProblems.  Say what you will, but they’re problems nonetheless. Besides, it’s about the principle.

You can’t take and lose what’s not yours. THROW THE BOOK AT HIM, I SAY!

  • Big C
    January 9, 2015

    My name is Grandpa Big C and I am with the firm of Dewey, Cheatham and Howe and have agreed to represent Jayden pro bono. First, we must not refer to him as The Remote Bandit as that is highly prejudicial to my client. Next all your evidence is purely circumstantial as you have no witnesses to verify that you ever even had a remote!

    Next, I have documents confirming that Jayden was in fact working for the government in a clandestine effort to determine why universal remotes are not universal. That means you must continue and learn how to use your generic remote.

    If you need any help with that, for a small fee and a big meal Jayden will help you!

    • HOPEsaidit
      January 9, 2015

      Grandpa Big C, eh? You sound like one of those fancy oil tycoons who bought themselves a law degree, but I’ll allow it.

      As for his name, I’m just simply reiterating what authorities have now coined as his nickname. Blame the Feds. Lol!

      So are you really standing on the argument that I may have not had a remote? There’s photographic evidence, and I have an eye witness (who wishes to remain nameless in this time of grief) who saw your defendant with the remote minutes before it vanished.

      HAHAHA! A one year old working for the government? I know they recruit young, but geesh.

      • Grandpa Big C
        January 9, 2015

        My degree is from Walmart and I paid full price less the Groupon discount. I talked to your neighbors and they said you were more than capable of photoshoping a remote! As far as that nameless person is concerned, it sounds like he should join Remoters Anonymous and that will help him get through the twelve steps of lost remotes.

        Plus you already know how many one year olds we have working in our government and remember Jayden is working undercover. Then since his paycheck was garnished for eating extra dessert and reprogramming a cell phone system, you will get no funds even if you win!

        Plus Judge Patti and I are good friends! Jayden is innocent! Jayden is innocent! Jayden is innocent!

  • HOPEsaidit
    January 11, 2015

    HAHA! Grandparents are WAAAAY too protective over their grandchildren… more protective than they are for their own children. Get your priorities straight, sir! LOL.

    • Grandpa Big C
      January 11, 2015

      Yes Grandparents are very protective over their grandchildren. Our own children “know” how much time we spent in the big house at the little table! We remember 25 cent gasoline and one cent cookies, so when our grandchildren stretch the rules a little bit, it is payback time for all
      those times we lost and had to hear those old stories. My dad never found the parts to his electric razor or those pieces to mom’s mixer, so our grandchildren are just carrying on the tradition.

      Now we can act up and blame our children and let our grandchildren get away with lots!

      It’s wonderful!!!

      • HOPEsaidit
        January 11, 2015

        Not quite sure “wonderful” is how I’d describe it… LOL!

  • Victoria
    January 15, 2015

    LOL I’m crying and dying at the same time….don’t “throw the book at him.” Poor baby but i do feel the pain. Be blessed

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