Attention Wal-Mart Customers (and Cashiers): Which One are You?

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Wal-Mart MemeI think I have a complaint about Wal-Mart just about every time I visit one.

“Then why do you keep going there, loser?”

Because the prices are usually the cheapest and they are literally everywhere… on every corner. Plus, I can’t stand the people who act like they’re too good for Wal-Mart. Excuuuuuse me for not wanting to blow my cash at Tom Thumb. Geesh… ๐Ÿ˜›

I say, “Show me a city that doesn’t have a Wal-Mart in it, and I’ll show you a city that’s too small to deserve to be called a city.” LOL!

It’s quite the love-hate relationship. And I’ve gotten into an even deeper relationship with the mega-chain because I am an official member of its bulk-sized sister company. Yup… you guessed it. I joined Sam’s Clubโ€”photo I.D. card and all.

It’s about $45 a year, and if you cook a lot of meat or run out of snacks quickly, the investment is definitely worth it. ๐Ÿ˜€

Okay, back to the point.

I’ve been to Wal-Mart so many times, I don’t think anything surprises me anymore.

I don’t blink twice at the lady who’s trying to squeeze into an outfit three sizes smaller than her; the man with the wooden leg who’s trying to run game on some naive girls half his age is quite amusing now; and I’ve become accustomed to those misbehaved children who embarrass their mom by letting her count to three knowing nothing will happen as punishment. (“Billy… I’m warning you!”) ๐Ÿ˜

Since I am such an expert, I wanted to let you guys in on the types of cashiers and customers there are at Wal-Mart. There’s NO WAY you can visit Wally World without seeing at least one of these types of people when you’re ready to check out.


Let’s start with the cashiers. You got:

  1. The Stank Attitude ๐Ÿ˜ˆ
    This is the worker that you question why he or she decides to live such a miserable life and come to work angry every day. When you approach their line, you get no greeting, no eye contact, and no smile… and was that an eye roll I detected when you found out I had more products under my cart?
  1. The Talker ๐Ÿ™„
    You lucked out on a line that’s shorter than the rest, and the person in front of you doesn’t have a lot of items. But yet… every line seems to be moving except yours. Looks like you have a talker on your hands! This type of cashier has a question or story for every item that gets scanned. “Zucchini? I know a good recipe for that if you like Scandinavian food.” “Distilled water? What’s the difference between that and spring water? My husband says the difference is in the way the water gets purified, but he also swears he saw a UFO in our backyard, so I can’t trust him too much.”
  1. The Old Person ๐Ÿ™‚
    This is actually my favorite. They greet you with a smile even if you look frustrated and tired. They take the time to still ask, “Did you find everything okay?” and follow it up with a grin that will cause you to consciously return the favor and start asking about their day. Good ol’ old people… God bless you.
  1. The Weirdo ๐Ÿ˜•
    I’d take these types of people over the “stank attitudes” any day, but still… why so weird, bro? They’re the people that actually have a long answer when you carelessly ask, “How’s your day going?” The weirdos I’ve encountered have ranged from socially awkward to having a troubling affinity for Pokemon and all things anime. “If you were a Sailor Moon character, there’s no doubt in my mind that you’d be Sailor Mars.”

And now to the different types of customers you’ll encounter in the lines. (Note: I’m pretty sure I’ve been every type depending on the day and my mood.)

  1. The Talker ๐Ÿ™„
    Yes, we meet again. Unfortunately, talkers come in the form of cashiers and customers. They’ll go up to the cashier waiting to start a conversation. “How are you?” is just the doors to the floodgate that is the biography of their life. And the talking doesn’t stop at the cashier. Talkers aren’t ashamed to turn around and include anybody who’s giving them eye contact a piece of the conversation.
  1. The Hold Up ๐Ÿ˜ก
    These are the kinds of people that will have you rolling your eyes and wondering how anything could take that long. This includes the extreme couponer who stops the assembly line to make sure the cashier scanned the coupon that gives her a nickel off the deodorant; the WIC/Food Stamps recipient who swears up and down that prime ribs are included on the list of acceptable items; the middle-class family who’s dad didn’t get the memo that checks are not the way to pay anymore; and the woman who has her kid run and get a new carton of eggs because she just now realized that one of the eggs in her carton was cracked.
  1. The Space Holderย  ๐Ÿ˜ฏ
    Ahh the old switcheroo. Ever been in line behind a person who had no items… only to be shocked to see that his or her accomplice is on their way to cut in front of you with a cart full of stuff? You’ve just been switcheroo’d, my friend. They were waiting it out to see which line was moving the fastest. It’s a genius move. That is, unless you’re the sucker who’s stuck behind them.
  1. The Cutter โ“
    This is more of a rare occurrence, but it still happens. The line is bunching up, so you have a guy or lady who is bold enough to act like you were not there first. And you can tell they know what they’re doing because they’re avoiding all possible eye contact. I remember one time when this happened to me, and the guy actually acted like he didn’t know English (after I already heard an all-English conversation he was having on the phone.) Good thing a stern evil eye surpasses all language barriers. Back to the end of the line you go!

Now that I told you who to look out for, don’t say I didn’t warn you on your next trip to Wal-Mart! The lines are long, the service is sometimes lousy, the shelves don’t always stay stocked, but you can’t beat the people watching and prices! LOL! ๐Ÿ™‚

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